Welcome to reThink Your Perspective’s blog. To listen to this episode as a Podcast, click here!
This blog is dedicated to finding, sharing and discussing a variety of topics around the struggles our clients and audience go through. Each episode we will discuss a key concept that many humans struggle with and give you a variety of perspectives for you to see the concept through so you can find one that makes it feel easier to deal with.
We hope that you get some benefit from these blog posts, and we would love to hear your thoughts! Don’t hesitate to like, share and comment at the links.
This instalment features a book which was first suggested to me in several of the ‘Thinking Into Results’* lessons created by Bob Proctor and Sandy Gallagher at the Proctor Gallagher Institute, as well as in many of the live calls, mentoring sessions and other videos I have been watching during my journey and is one that I highly recommend on all of my own live sessions.
It is a truly revolutionary book.
Considering it was first published in 1960, it is astounding to me that it has not become a key text in schools around the world as the information contained within would make every single human a better and more productive person. Not only for the good of our species but for them as individuals as well.
The book is available in most good book shops, online and in person, and I highly recommend you get yourself a copy if my write ups resonate with you. I hope they do the book justice but they are only small snippets.
Stay tuned for my reviews over the next couple of weeks as I re-populate and update these blog posts which were originally written in 2022. My version of the book has space for reflection on each of the chapters so I have included my thoughts at the bottom of each of the chapter summaries.
* – Thinking Into Results is a life altering program that opens your mind to the limitless possibilities you have within you. Using 12 lessons ranging from adjusting your self-image, through leadership qualities and praxis, to the knowing-doing gap, this program is designed and proven to change your life in every way in your relationships, finances, careers, wellbeing and many other areas of your life. Get in touch if you want to know more about this program!
Chapter 11 – How To Unlock Your Real Personality.
Chapter 11 of “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz is all about unlocking your real personality. Imagine your personality as a treasure chest full of wonderful things that make you unique and special. In this chapter, Maltz teaches us how to discover and embrace our true selves.
Personality.
That magnetic and mysterious something that’s easy to recognise, but difficult to define. The outward evidence of our unique / individual creative self, the free and full expression of your real self.
Maxwell Maltz
A good personality is where the person has freed and released their inner creative potential. They express their real self.
A poor / inhibited personality is where the person is a phony. They do not express their creativity; they have restrained it. They restrain / prohibit / prevent their real self from coming out. This is usually due to them being afraid to be themselves.
Frustration is the only thing that can follow.
Negative Feedback Is Needed But Can Inhibit Personality
Negative feedback (criticism) should be used to modify future responses. Not to stop responses altogether, which happens when we are too sensitive and then overcorrect or shut down completely. Excessive negative feedback leads to a complete and total inhibition of response.
We decide that instead of adjusting our response, we conclude that self-expression is wrong and stop expressing altogether.
Maxwell Maltz uses the example of deaf people by pointing out that they often do not speak well because they have no feedback on which to correct. They cannot hear if they are shouting, mumbling or forming words correctly so often do not speak at all.
This is the same when there is too much negative feedback, we just don’t try anymore in order to avoid the criticism.
Self-Criticism
Self-criticism makes you do worse! Dr E Colin Cherry conducted an experiment with stutterers and found that when he eliminated self-criticism the stuttering stopped. When the stutterers could not hear their own voice as they spoke, they spoke clearly and confidently. An excessive carefulness, built to avoid criticism, creates inhibition and anxiety. We become too anxious to make an error so do not take the action.
Purpose tremors are often a physical notification of this anxiety. For example, a marksman can hold an unloaded gun perfectly still while aimed at the target. As soon as the gun is loaded and he points it, his hand starts to shake. When unloaded, there is no chance of criticism. When loaded, there is a chance he could miss the target and get criticised. He becomes anxious about the outcome!
Purpose tremors are made worse when we are ashamed of them, or when we try to hide them. This is portrayed perfectly through Elsa’s nervous personality at the start of Disney’s Frozen.
Indifference Is Key!
I don’t like these cold, precise, perfect people, who, in order not to speak wrong, never speak at all, and in order not to do wrong, never do anything.
Henry Ward Beecher
Don’t worry about the outcomes!
It is when we worry about what might be said, or thought, that we freeze up and don’t act. But, if we become indifferent – have no worry about any potential criticism – then we can live our lives to the fullest. Our thoughts about what a person might say or think are based on what we would say / think in that situation. Somebody else may not respond in the same way, and we cannot predict that.
So stop trying to!
We need feedback from others to know how we are doing and be able to adjust. Conversation would be dull and boring otherwise! There would be no sparks. We should respond automatically and spontaneously to feedback, rather than consciously. When we are conscious of the feedback, we are looking for it. This causes us to focus on what we are doing and saying, how we are coming across, rather than on what the other person is saying.
Let it go! (And it is Ok if Elsa singing that song popped into your head! It does in mine every time!!)
Don’t worry about looking for the feedback, your subconscious creative mechanism can see it and will adjust accordingly without your input.
Self-Conscious Vs Other-Conscious
We need a certain amount of self-consciousness to guide us as to what is right and wrong. But a lot of the time we are focussed on other-consciousnesses!
Other-consciousness is what somebody else is thinking or saying.
Don’t worry about what others may be thinking! Tone down the negative unknowns, we can’t read minds, so shouldn’t try to. We can’t possibly know what someone else is thinking. Even if we ask, they may not tell us the whole truth.
Our individual thoughts are ours and ours alone. It is up to us if or how much we share them.
Our conscience guides us, but it can be wrong. It is all learned and based on our beliefs. It must be based on realistic and sensible truths.
For example; if you were brought up to believe that it is sinful to wear buttons on your clothes, your conscience will bother you if you wear buttons. A child who is shut up, shamed, humiliated or punished for speaking up and expressing themselves, learns that it is “wrong” to express themselves, or even to speak at all.
If you notice your beliefs are not realistic or sensible, then you can change them. This was discussed in a previous post. You can change your beliefs to things that fit with your thoughts, ideas and opinions about the world.
Practice Disinhibition To Boost Your Personality
Disinhibition – being less careful, less concerned, less conscientious. Be indifferent, improvise, and pay less attention to assumed negative feedback.
We need a certain amount of inhibition, but we also need to be our true selves in order to be happy. There should be a balance and harmony between inhibition and disinhibition.
How do you tell which you need more of? The author gives these points:
How to tell whether you need inhibition (need to think more of consequences before acting, act less like a bull in a china shop):
- You continually get yourself into trouble due to overconfidence
- You habitually “rush in where angels fear to tread”
- Often find yourself in hot water because of impulsive, ill-considered actions
- Projects backfire due to acting first and asking questions later
- You can never admit you are wrong
- You are a loud talker or a blabbermouth
How to tell whether you need disinhibition (you are too careful in everything, plan too much, you need to think less of consequences before acting):
- You are shy around strangers, dread new and strange situations
- Feel inadequate, worry a lot, are anxious, overly concerned
- You are nervous, and feel ‘self-conscious’, you have nervous “symptoms” such as facial tics, blinking unnecessarily, tremor, have difficulty going to sleep
- Feel ill at ease in social situations
- You hold yourself back and continually take a back seat.
How To Integrate This Chapter Into Your Own Life
One key tip from the chapter is to practice self-acceptance. This means being kind to yourself and appreciating your strengths and quirks. Just like how you love your favourite toy or pet, it’s important to love yourself too.
Another tip is to set positive goals for yourself. Think about what you enjoy doing and what makes you happy. By setting goals and working towards them, you can bring out the best in yourself and let your true personality shine.
Maltz also talks about the power of visualisation. Close your eyes and imagine yourself as the best version of yourself. Picture yourself being confident, kind, and successful. This can help you believe in yourself and become the person you want to be.
To integrate the lessons from this chapter into your daily life, try starting each day with a positive affirmation. Tell yourself something like, “I am unique and special just the way I am.” This can boost your confidence and help you embrace your real personality.
Remember, you are amazing just the way you are. Embrace your true self, set positive goals, and believe in yourself. By following these tips, you can unlock your real personality and let your inner light shine bright.
The copy of the book I have has spaces after each chapter to write and reflect on an experience from your past that is explained by the principles given in the chapter.
This is what came up for me:
I had lived inhibited for years due to excessive negative feedback during my teenage years! We moved from Norfolk to Yorkshire when I was 7 or 8, and the accents were very different. The bullying commenced!
However, now I am learning to shut down all thoughts of what a person might be thinking. As said above, these thoughts are based on my own judgement, on what I might be thinking if I were them. But I cannot possibly see from their eyes as I do not have their beliefs or life experience!
I am stopping my judgement of others and this in turn is leading to me not feeling judged. Which is so freeing!
I act and speak with less thinking now. I am spontaneous and open, and let my subconscious adjust my words / actions rather than consciously trying to spot feedback.
What Do You Think?
Does this resonate with you? Drop a comment below to share your thoughts!
Please send me a message if you want to discuss any part of this chapter or any others. Could your personality do with a boost?
I look forward to hearing from you.
To your success,
Jaiye
PS. Have you heard about the upcoming Science of Getting Rich Summit? It might be worth you having a look…..
