Welcome to reThink Your Perspective’s blog. To listen to this episode as a Podcast, click here!
This blog is dedicated to finding, sharing and discussing a variety of topics around the struggles our clients and audience go through. Each episode we will discuss a key concept that many humans struggle with and give you a variety of perspectives for you to see the concept through so you can find one that makes it feel easier to deal with.
We hope that you get some benefit from these blog posts, and we would love to hear your thoughts! Don’t hesitate to like, share and comment at the links.
This instalment features a book which was first suggested to me in several of the ‘Thinking Into Results’* lessons created by Bob Proctor and Sandy Gallagher at the Proctor Gallagher Institute, as well as in many of the live calls, mentoring sessions and other videos I have been watching during my journey and is one that I highly recommend on all of my own live sessions.
It is a truly revolutionary book.
Considering it was first published in 1960, it is astounding to me that it has not become a key text in schools around the world as the information contained within would make every single human a better and more productive person. Not only for the good of our species but for them as individuals as well.
The book is available in most good book shops, online and in person, and I highly recommend you get yourself a copy if my write ups resonate with you. I hope they do the book justice but they are only small snippets.
Stay tuned for my reviews over the next couple of weeks as I re-populate and update these blog posts which were originally written in 2022. My version of the book has space for reflection on each of the chapters so I have included my thoughts at the bottom of each of the chapter summaries.
* – Thinking Into Results is a life altering program that opens your mind to the limitless possibilities you have within you. Using 12 lessons ranging from adjusting your self-image, through leadership qualities and praxis, to the knowing-doing gap, this program is designed and proven to change your life in every way in your relationships, finances, careers, wellbeing and many other areas of your life. Get in touch if you want to know more about this program!
Chapter 10 – How To Remove Emotional Scars, Or How To Give Yourself An Emotional Face-Lift.
Chapter 10 of “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz is all about how to remove emotional scars and give yourself an emotional face-lift. Imagine your emotions are like a beautiful garden that needs some care and attention to flourish. Just like how you water plants to help them grow, you can take steps to heal emotional wounds and feel better about yourself.
One key idea in this chapter is the concept of self-image. Your self-image is how you see yourself and it can affect how you feel. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, it can create emotional scars.
But the good news is that you have the power to change your self-image and heal those scars.
Physical wounds lead to scar tissue, emotional wounds do the same. We just can’t see them physically. Scar tissue is a thick, tough protective cover / shell that prevents future damage. We receive spiritual / emotional scars when someone rubs us up the wrong way / hurts us. The scars form for self-protection. We become hardened of heart, callous towards the world. Often, we then retreat / withdraw into a protective shell.
Emotional scars can alienate you from life. If one person hurts us we assume everyone will in that situation. We then always have our defences up and push away from the world rather than let it in. These scars prevent us from living a creative life and becoming self-fulfilled.
What is a Self-Fulfilled Person?
They have the following characteristics:
- See themselves as liked, wanted, acceptable, and able individuals.
- They have a high degree of acceptance of themselves as they are.
- Have a feeing of oneness with others.
- They have a rich store of information and knowledge.
A person with emotional scars tends to have a self-image opposite of this. One of being unwanted, disliked, and incapable, and of the world being a hostile place. As mentioned in a previous post, what you put out you get back. So seeing the world as hostile, and people being mean creates a person who deals with people on the concepts of overcoming, combating and protecting from. This can only create frustration, aggression and loneliness.
Rules For Immunizing Yourself Against Emotional Scars
- Be too big to feel threatened. Build a healthy, strong ego with plenty of self-esteem. Not egotistical but know who you are and be at peace with it.
- A self-reliant, responsible attitude. This makes you less vulnerable as you rely less on others for your needs. No one is responsible for your life and your feelings but you. So take responsibility and rely on yourself.
- Relax away emotional hurts. We are more prone to emotional hurts when we take it personally because we are already feeling down. For example; You ‘wake up on the wrong side of the bed’, stub your toe, spill the milk and get toothpaste down your shirt before even leaving the house. Once at work, you then take even the smallest joking comment as an insult! BUT, it is our response and attitude to something that causes the hurt. It is a choice to react or stay calm and relaxed. We have to DO something (react) to feel hurt!
No man is hurt but by himself.
Diagenes
How Can We Remove Emotional Scars
By forgiving and forgetting!
Forgiveness should always be forgotten as well as the wrong that was forgiven. This means there is no ‘debt’ to be paid, meaning no ongoing repayment required.
In order to forgive the wrong, and our condemnation of it, it must be seen as an undesirable thing that needs to be given up. The most difficult bit about forgiveness is to secure our own willingness to cancel out the debt with no mental reservations.
Humans love condemning things, we get a perverse and morbid sense of enjoyment out of nursing our wounds. But this is not helpful or healthy. We need to recognise the debt is not valid, there is nothing to forgive.
There is no need for forgiveness unless we have first condemned!
Therapeutic forgiveness makes the wrong as if it had never been.
Maxwell Maltz
We Are Our Own Worst Enemy
We also inflict emotional wounds on ourselves. Self-doubt, self-condemnation, remorse, regret, guilt… These are all trying to correct or change the past. But that is impossible!
We make mistakes, mistakes do not make us. Think “I made a mistake”, not “I am a failure”. Use the verb instead of the noun when thinking or speaking of things that have gone wrong. As mentioned previously, a torpedo corrects its way to the target by noticing and correcting mistakes, negative feedback, on its journey.
Give Yourself An Emotional Face-Lift!
Stop holding grudges and living in the past! We cannot change the past so let it go! Build up a nostalgia for the future, what you are working towards, not the past.
How To Integrate This Chapter Into Your Own Life
Here are some tips to help you integrate the lessons from Chapter 10 into your daily life:
- Practice positive affirmations: Start your day by saying kind and encouraging words to yourself. For example, you can say, “I am strong and capable” or “I am worthy of love and happiness.” Repeat these affirmations regularly to boost your self-image.
- Challenge negative thoughts: Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if they are really true or if they are just old beliefs that no longer serve you. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
- Surround yourself with positivity: Spend time with people who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself. Avoid those who bring you down or make you doubt your worth. Fill your life with positivity and kindness.
- Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Eat nourishing foods, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and do activities that bring you joy. When you take care of yourself, you are nurturing your self-image.
Remember, healing emotional scars takes time and effort, but it is possible. By implementing these tips from Chapter 10 of “Psycho-Cybernetics,” you can give yourself an emotional face-lift and cultivate a positive self-image. Just like tending to a garden, with patience and care, you can watch yourself bloom into a happier and more confident version of yourself.
The copy of the book I have has spaces after each chapter to write and reflect on an experience from your past that is explained by the principles given in the chapter.
This is what came up for me:
Therapeutic forgiveness is something I haven’t achieved yet. I have forgiven things, yes, but never fully let them go.
I’m there on the topic of my Dad walking out on me when Mum got remarried. I got back in touch with him about 10years later and now have a fairly good relationship with him. There are no feelings of contempt or hate or that he owes me anything. I simply let it all go and saw his side of the story when we discussed it. I still haven’t forgotten it, but I don’t think about it (until now!) and don’t think he owes me anything.
That outcome does feel so much better than other things I have yet to forget! But now it makes more sense and I have an awareness of how different it feels, I will endeavour to get rid of any contempt I may be holding on to against anyone.
What Do You Think?
Does this resonate with you?
Please send me a message if you want to discuss any part of this chapter or any others. Or drop me a comment to let me know your thoughts!
I look forward to hearing from you.
To your success,
Jaiye
PS. Have you heard about the upcoming Science of Getting Rich Summit? It might be worth you having a look…..
